WTF oh well!
big_bad_wolf
Some times in Life I feel Like I take one step forward just to take two steps back. So I finaly find a lagit job only to have my start date posponed twice. so I was supposed to start a week ago! now not this monday but next. Problems getting the store opened. So I started sending out resumes again. And walla same day I do bame interview schedualed for the next day. So here I am I cant find my damn bus money and I have to be there in an hour. luckly I have a roomate that can help me out. oh well things are starting to turn around for the better at least even if it is SLOW!!!

Pissed.
big_bad_wolf
So after waiting for two and a half almost 3 monthsto moe to my house in tracy. I find it will be atleast another 45 days. I am working now atleast. but it is a part time barly over min wage job. some times I think why did I leave the bay area in the first place, I dont know. Oh well.

Why dont you and I "Nickle Back"
big_bad_wolf

 

Since the moment I spotted you,
Like walking around with little wings on my shoes,
My stomach's filled with the butterflies,

Ooh, and it's all right,
Bouncing round from cloud to cloud,
I'd got the feeling like I'm never gonna come down,
If I'd said I didn't like it then you'd know I lied,

Everytime I try to talk to you,
I get tongue-tied,
It turns out that everything I say to you,
Comes out wrong and never comes out right.

So I'll say why don't you and I,
Get together and take on the world and be together forever,
Heads we will, Tails we'll try again,
So I'll say why don't you and I,
Hold each other and fly to the moon and straight on to heaven,
Cause without you they're never gonna let me in.

When's this fever going to break?
I think I've handled more than any man can take,
I'm like a love-sick puppy chasing you around,

Ooh, and it's all right,
Bouncing round from cloud to cloud,
I got the feeling like I'm never gonna come down,
If I'd said I didn't like it then you'd know I lied.

Everytime I try to talk to you,
I get tongue-tied,
It turns out that everything I say to you,
Comes out wrong and never comes out right.

So I'll say why don't you and I,
Get together and take on the world and be together forever,
Heads we will, Tails we'll try again,
So I'll say why don't you and I,
Get together and fly to the moon and straight on to heaven,
Cause without you they're never gonna let me in.

Slowly I begin to realize,
This is never going to end
Right about the same time you walk by,
And I say 'Oh here we go again',
Oh!

Everytime I try to talk to you,
I get tongue-tied,
It turns out that everything I say to you,
Comes out wrong and never comes out right.

So I'll say why don't you and I,
Get together and take on the world and be together forever,
Heads we will, Tails we'll try again,
So I'll say why don't you and I,
Get together and fly to the moon and straight on to heaven,
Cause without you they're never gonna let me in.

So I'll say why don't You and I,
Get together and take on the world and be together forever,
Heads we will, Tails we'll try again,
So I'll say you why don't You and I,
Get together and fly to the moon and straight on to heaven,
Cause without you they're never gonna let me in.

Shattered Pieces
big_bad_wolf

 

Look in to my eyes

Now tell me what you see

Is it a broken cage?

Or the shattered pieces of me

Imprisoned so long

With no reason to live till you turned the key

Now that you have released me

I know not what to say

Part of me wishes to run, My heart says to stay

No longer hiding from the light

Wishing to sleep all day

Know this I shall never be leashed or returned to a cage

But if you were to ask it of me yes I will stay

I am the wild beast

But for you the rage does cease

I won’t say the words I long for you to hear

But look in to my eyes and know that they are there.

When you look in to my eyes what do you see?

Is it a broken cage or the shattered pieces of me.



The hardest thing a parent can do.
big_bad_wolf
     Well it is done, I just said goodbye to my son. his mother came and picked him up.I was going to take him to her next weekend but she was coming this direction anyway. so she called me today at 3:00pm, I get a call. "I am in town can I come get my little boy?" I want to say no but she has not scene him in over a year. Not going in to details, so I say "Yes!" I know I will see him again and he will be alowd to come vistet and visa versa but it was just so hard to let him go. I know that if she wanted to she could disapier with him, and there would be nothing I could do, the corts gave her physical custody. we both have grown up with out a parent so we know what it is like and promise that we will not allow that. but it is still hard. I seems like I am loseing everything that I care about.......

Family VS. Blood Relatives
big_bad_wolf

     Once again in my life my blood or bio family have turned there back on me in my time of need.  At the end of this week I have no home for two weeks. So I call my mom and step dad, as well as my dad and step mom. both have taken in my siblings in the past. hell I called my younger brother that has an extra bed room in bakers field. "Hey its me Jim, I was wondering if I could stay with you for a week or two but no more the three? My condo will not be ready till then." Universal answer, "No, we dont have the space, will be busy have too many projects going on. Blaa blaa blaa. my baby sister calls up my dad. "Daddy can I live with you? I am home sick." FUCK THAT. I bust my ass and help out take care of and even send money to my famliey 99% of the time when they ask! Now I am faceing the street for 2-3 weeks and there like no we cant help you, you can always go to a shelter.  So last night I call up my friends steve and Kelli. Mind you the live in a small four bedroom that has 8 people in it and a number of animals. {Me " Hey Steve I have a question for you. I need a place to crash for a few weeks till my condo is ready?" Steve "Let me talk to Kelli but it will have to be a couch." Me "Cool I cant wait to here back." Steve " I will be there next sunday to pick you up." Me " Thank you!" Steve "No problem Brother. You would do the same for any of us."}
 
    
What the hell is the difference here. Just because some on is related to you by blood does not mean they are your family. I have been told I have a different sence of what a famliy is then most people. I wonder why. The people that gave Birth to me helped raise me, are well off and supposedly love me, turn their collective back on me once again. The people I have taken the last bit of food out of my cupboard for, that I have given my last cent to and have opened my home for when it was needed. Even changed plans with my sugnificant other with at the last minute to go see. Push me asaide when I need help.  And a Nurse working 60-80 hrs a week, a walmart pastery cheif and a cop on workmans comp that do not share a single drop of blood with are willing to drive four hours so pick me and my stuff up and give me a place to stay for 2-3 weeks no questions asked. If you ask me I am not the one in my Bio family that has a screwed up sence of family, I think my sence of family is right on the nose.

     They say that blood is thicker then water, that may be true. They say You cant pick your family, not true, I now find myself quoating ICP.
"If you Wasn't blood, would you still have love? Or infact does the blood make you think you have to love? Look I probably love my family more then anybody here But my homies are family too"


F@#KING GREAT WEEK!!!!!
big_bad_wolf
     Well At this point in time I am pissed to hi heaven. After I finally assimilate everything from earlier this week I go in to the office today to pick up my paycheck and what happens I get laid off. To top it off my asshole of a boss found away to screw me out on my last paycheck. Apparently he put down on the books what I though to have been a bonus last year to by a laptop for work as an advance. So I dont get a final check. Just fucking great. maybe it is time to crawl back in to my hole.......

Scorpio , Most discribes me
big_bad_wolf

Scorpio - the Scorpion
(Oct 23 - Nov 21)

Never underestimate a Scorpio as they are imbued with intensity. This is after all the sign of sex and death.

Scorpions have more under-currents than any other sign in the Zodiac and you can never tell what makes them tick, because they never give you a clue. They simply sit looking enigmatic, and youbegin to wonder what on earth they are thinking about all day and night.

They can transform and transfigure their lives, making a fresh start whenever necessary, without so much as a backward glance. Make no mistake, this is a sign of such compulsion and obsession, that most people find them hard to handle. Just thinking about their intensity in questions and investigations, can be overwhelming and fearful for some.

Power is very important to these Plutonians, but it is always gained in a secretive way. Scorpios operate behind the scenes - they love to manipulate others but hate to be caught in their act. However, there are those higher minded Scorpios who choose the positive path, seeking out the spiritual side of life and living life by listening to his / her inner voice.

They have a keen instinct and a great intuition that helps them in good stead. The Scorpio emotions are varied and getting emotionally tangled with this sign means "passion at its very best". But don't think that all Scorpio stands for, is sex, because these people need a lot of love and nurturing too.

Nonetheless, if you have a Scorpio as a friend, you can be fairly sure that they will be a pal forever, as long as you play by the rules (i.e. their rules most definitely). Although, once you rub him / her off the wrong way, no matter what you do and how nice you are, you will never regain that friendship. Forgiveness is certainly not one of their virtues or priorities.

Scorpio is ruled by Mars and these people are enormously energetic. They enjoy activities involving water and may indulge a lot in sailing and swimming. But generally, this is a sign that is quite self-indulgent, and may spend most of their time watching horror movies or studying black magic and the occult. Strong Scorpios can go very far professionally and their wits can propel them up the ladder of success.

The Scorpio loves his / her home and is quite content to spend an evening indoors after a hard day's work. On the weekends however, they are gregariously active in their social circles. One thing that is important to them, is drink, and most of them will boast of an impressive collection of wines and liquors in their homes.

Some Scorpios can relax with a bit of alcohol, while others should watch that they don't have too much of the hard stuff, because it can unleash torrents of destructive emotions. Ideally, a Scorpio should relax in quiet and meditative locations. This is a water sign after all, so watery places for them will be very attractive and rejuvenating. Most Scorpios will exude an aura of assurance. Yet underneath it all, they are probably full of phobias and worries. But whichever way you look at it, "Scorpios are simply sensational".

 

DO'S:
Scorpio's are full of passion and zest for life. They have tremendous drive that can involve you too. Tune in to their wavelength and you can enjoy the harmony and music of life with them. Scorpio's are loyal and never forget a kind deed done by you. If you want to enjoy life with your Scorpio lover, share their passion and intensity and you will be fascinated by how beautiful life can be with them.

DON'TS:
Scorpio's are very passionate and intense but they are also fiercely possessive and would like to possess your mind, body and soul. Do not let seeds of jealousy grow in them because then you may have to suffer agonies of jealousy and discontentment in life. Scorpio's have explosive tempers - be careful how you handle them. They never let anyone know what is going on in their mind till they strike and you may be caught unawares. Do not flirt around in the presence of your Scorpio lover.

 

Scorpios are known for their intensity. They are very determined in every thing they do or “want” to do because if somebody else wants to make them commit to something will be rarely an easy task. Scorpios have absolutely their own mind. They like to have the power in a relationship which could be a negative thing but they offer so much in return because your Scorpio lover is capable of experiencing intense passion and desire so you will feel very loved and you can experience, live, love near him or her like near nobody else. Those eyes... those eyes... what is it about those intense, magnetic Scorpio eyes? As Scorpio's lover, chances are you've discovered the mysterious, magnetic drawing power that your Scorpio often seems to have on people. They are like magnets, everything is different about them and nobody can resist them. And be sure they know that, they know they are irresistible. Scorpios are very good friends, it is true they have few, but those relationships are for a life time. So if you have a friend or lover in Scorpio you are a lucky one cause they will be always there for you.
Their intelligence is absolutely instinctive. Strategies are their specialty. It can be very hard to win an argument or debate with a Scorpio. They are absolutely driven to win, not just for the sake of scoring intellectual points, but simply to come out on top in general. Scorpio love mystery so if you want to win their hearts you have to play that game of seeks and hide. And of course you have to play hard to get because they will never want somebody which is an easy prey. Scorpio loves somebody which can challenge their brains wanting not only a love connection but a mental one too.
Shadow : Near a Scorpio you can experience intense jealousy and often unfounded suspicions. Jealousy is one of the biggest defects which a Scorpio has, and can be understood because their lover has to be only theirs, they follow the devise all or nothing, they will never be happy with half.
This paranoia can totally screw up an excellent relationship. Another shadow characteristic to watch out for with Scorpio is subtle manipulation. As also mentioned Scorpio has a need for control. Scorpio has discovered that sometimes the ability to will things into existence using sheer "will power" just isn't quite fast enough to suit them - and so Scorpio may feel the need to manipulate circumstances and/or people in order to get what they want. Of course nobody is perfect but near a Scorpio you can see and feel love at another level. Their body-and-soul love and commitment can be so intense that you will never want to leave their presence. If you want to live life with high intensity then a Scorpio is the best choice for you. And you never know you may be able to even keep up with them.



Well Hello!
big_bad_wolf
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